Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Trianon

Have you seen that movie called "Sliding Doors?" I don't remember much about it now, but I remember the idea: every little decision we make shuttles us in a different direction, so where would you be now had you turned left that day, instead of right?


As I've spoken about many times here before on this blog, listening to music on my iPod while traveling through the city always does a number on my brain. I have a tendency to be transported over and over and over again during a simple commute, as every song has personal meaning, sometimes too much (I have to skip these songs).

On Sunday, a friend of mine was in town from Ottawa so we met for dinner in my old neighbourhood of Queen & Broadview, where I lived circa 2004. Simply being in that neighbourhood wrapped me up in the past, and I felt like I had gone back in time. Then, I took the King streetcar home, past my old vet, all the rug shops, my most favourite building in the city (I'm pretty sure!) that I had actually forgotten about, near Parliament (it's an old, boarded up thing that belongs in a pioneer village - and I wholeheartedly love it's wood covered windows and ancient brick exterior)

For some reason, this building fills me with so much warmth.

Passing that building was around the time I began thinking of the sliding doors theory, and wondering where my many 'break off' points have been. The girl I was in the Broadview days, the St. Patrick days, the Davisville days, the Ossington days...all different versions of the same girl. All the steps I took during those days, somehow brought me here, to this day. I treasure all these steps so much (ridiculously so) and wonder how everyone I knew in those spheres is faring.

My old house on Broadview, we lived on the second floor. I planted forget-me-nots, my favourite flowers, in the little side yard, where I'd spend sunny mornings. The dying pine tree was always filled with sparrows.

Had I taken different steps, had I conducted myself a little less selfishly, would things be different now? Sometimes, I wish so, but all is so very fragile.

And lastly, why did I call this post Trianon? Simply that it was the name of the store I was passing, while on the streetcar when I thought of this post.

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