Monday, August 16, 2010

I Have Been Here Many Times Before

It seems that part of growing up is becoming aware of the life you've lived. I've always been a nostalgic person, and have posted about this often, but recently I've become aware that sometimes, it's more than nostalgia. It has always been said that the older you become, the wiser you become, and I feel I'm beginning to understand this a little more now. It isn't always based on what you know, but on what you have experienced, these experiences need not make you smarter, nor assist others in learning. I only mean experience in terms of what you have lived through, and how you now reflect on these moments, understanding that these moments have brought you to the place you are right now.

I am definitely referring to memories, and the feelings which come along with them. Of course, we begin developing memories almost instantly after we are born, but as we get older, we realize them better, cherish them more and appreciate ourselves a little more because of them.

I think of these things often, and this morning these thoughts hit me again, as they often do, on my walk to the bus stop. A song began to play on my ipod which wrapped my brain up in this nostalgic understanding, and I continued my way to work thinking of the many 'places' I've been in life, and how they have brought me here. I remember listening to this song years ago on repeat, drinking wine at night in my bay window, writing my heart out. Then again for days, as I made life changing decisions. Then again as I packed up everything which defined me at that time, and moved into my own apartment, with no one but myself. I grew with this song, not from childhood, but through my late twenties. I still live in that 'new' apartment (which certainly isn't new any longer) and I still make that same walk to the bus stop, past the same houses, where not much has changed except for the lives, and deaths of those who live there. Its a mirrored reflection of the girl I was when I moved there, and here I still am years later. My life is almost entirely different, and I've matured, but inside I still have the same heart. This song, coincidentally enough, was played at the end of an old favourite TV show, to wrap up the lives, and deaths, of the central characters.

Every now and then, this song pops up in my travels and wraps me up in moments which have brought me here. It has become a small reminder of who I am, a song to bring me back into a place of understanding and appreciating how I got here. Sometimes, as strange as it may be, I find it's so important to sit (or walk) with myself, and just remember, to give some time to those important memories while they are still reachable.

It's so easy to become lost in the immediate world around you, and to pay no attention to the life which carried you here. It's amazing how many little things you can remember if you only take the time out to think. I believe everyone owes themselves this, even if only a little. It can be very sad because these times are gone, becoming only fragments of memories, but keeping them alive in your mind is a way of paying homage to yourself, to the life you have lived; these past moments are the living lessons you gave yourself to become who you are now.

Appreciate your memories while you can, one day they may not be there anymore. Put on some old songs you haven't heard in a long time, and let your mind go where it wants to. Remember those things you have been through, those little random moments, the revolving door in your mind. That time you sat on your livingroom floor, surrounded by boxes, ready to begin a new journey; you've made that journey now, so its ok to go back to that time, acknowledge it and smile to yourself that you did it, you are here now, beginning again perhaps, something newer still.

Photos by: Tenteri, Wredna, Tom Palumbo & Elsea Chelsea

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