Sunday, June 20, 2010

You Never Really Grow Up...Do You?

Just when you feel a little on the older side, for going for evening 'strolls' after dinner (it's nice, a big meal, then a walk through the neighbourhood) you come across something on your 'stroll' which reminds you that you are still ridiculously immature. Like this:

A fence wearing underwear.

Then, when you decide to take in a classical concert at a church (piano vs. violin - friends of Shayne's) you decide you aren't quite ready to head home, but rather follow the sounds coming from Queen's stumble upon this:

Now I challenge anyone to come across this wonderland and not feel like a kid in a candy forest. Holy scheisse I was in fantasy-candy-sparkly-land.

After a walk through bubblegum fields (not stoned, sadly, if I'd known we were coming across this, I would have prepared...not that we needed to though as these 'sculptures' speak for their acid-tripped selves)

We watched the last hour of the Salif Keita concert...ok, I watched it. Shayne, who's latest hobby is photography, was climbing the scaffolding behind the stage to capture the whole thing. I danced on my own. You become used to that when your boyfriend is the photographer (though I'm truly in full support as he is very talented)

Ended the dreamy night with drinks in dreamy company on Tess & Daniel's patio overlooking the yards and garages of little Portugal, surrounded by tea lights, sipping on Pimms. Yummy!

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

So its Almost Summertime!

Been riding my bike like crazy, that old bike of my mom's I love so much. No basket yet, so I've been stuck with a backpack...ten speed bike + backpack makes me feel like a different kind of gal, the kind of gal who is at home on a speedy, downtown bike. I'm used to upright cruiser and basket a la girlie.

Only two more weeks of work left until vacation, and beginning it (sort of) by getting out of the city. G20/G8 weekend is seeing me drive to Guelph in the morning, then from there through Huntsville (of course, where G8 is happening) up to Burk's Falls. I shall be stuck in traffic for HOURS but the pay off will be cottage time with friends...once I FINALLY arrive, likely around 10pm on Saturday. I am avoiding Toronto driving at all costs, and will in fact, bypass it entirely through Orangeville up to cottage country. One night, and one day at the cottage only, but its all enough. A few nights later, why not possibly maybe have a rooftop BBQ with new friends!

Speaking of friends, who, may I say, has just moved to Toronto for the first time, but Trev. Erin's pile o' cuz who we stayed with years ago in Burnaby. We've been seeing lots of him, and there will be lots more chill time this summer...though I have yet to get Trev and Erin into the same vicinity as yet, but it shall not be long.

What else for me? Not much more then drinking, biking, wandering and working on my latest paintings. It's been a slow start on these paintings, as it's been quite a while since I've painted anything, but once I get going, the paint will get flowing.

Can I just say that the German soccer team has a lot of fans? I happen to have quite a few German friends and acquaintances these days, and I've been welcomed into the FIFA cheering circles of zee Germans. They are a crazy fun crowd to watch a soccer game with, I was attacked by red, yellow and black oil pastels the other day, as no one can be at the main German hotspot to watch soccer, without sporting a couple (or more) German flags painted on their body...and I was happy to oblige. In fact, the very first time I ever heard Shayne speak German was two years ago at the Euro-Cup, when he was speaking with Daniel on the It was awesome.

I have been absolutely awful with my picture taking as of late. I have not taken a single photo in weeks. Now that Shayne is a photographer (he has been hired for a wedding, and has supplied all the photos for the press kit of a very amazing band -- The Weber Brothers) I've been slacking. I've been riding the wave of his photos, and let me tell you, friends of mine have been wondering where the heck my photos are. They're right, it's time to whip out the camera every now and then again. It's just that in comparison to Shayne's DSLR, my camera is, well, scheisse.

Saturday, June 5, 2010

Photo by Tim Walker

I have been reading this book lately that is about so much death/mortality. It's fiction (very famous fiction as the movie version is in theatres right now) and it's been making me think so much about the fragility of life. It has made me want to spend much more time with my family.

My parents came down to the city today for a visit before they go off to Europe. We took some wine and a picnic lunch to High Park and sat in the grass. They hadn't been to that park since my mom was pregnant with me. I showed them my old photo albums from when I was in Europe for the first time, so they could see more what Rome, Florence and Venice look like.

After a walk through the park, they went off back home and I went up to the bike shop to pick up my mom's old bike. Riding it home, I was a little unsure how stable it was though, it's pretty old and even with new tires, it's a little wobbly and the brakes don't brake much.

My latest project: trying to learn more old classic rock bands/tunes. Wish me luck! I've been spending my work days under headphones listening to Deep Tracks on SiriusXM...I got a week free trial. No point in buying it though as I can't get it to work at home on my mac. That's life, back to enjoying the sunshine!

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Alrt. Love Love Love!
...did I mention I love this band?

Do you ever feel like you are a little more embarrassing than others? I feel like such a kid most of the time, and sometimes I feel a little embarrassed by it, but most of the time, it's ok. I find that a lot of the thoughts that run through my head are akin to those that your average 13 year old might think. I guess I feel now, that at the age of 31, I've reached the level of maturity that most 13 year olds have reached.

When I was 13, I was completely unable to think for myself. I had no idea what I wanted, no idea what what others wanted of me, and so I lived my life for everyone else. When you don't know what to feel, you immediately try to figure out what you should feel, running the gamut of thoughts around what you should personify. I was thinking today, as I read a book, that when I was 13, I didn't take a single action for myself. Entirely every move I made was based on what I thought I should be doing. If I was feeling shy or upset, instead of going off for a walk on my own, I simply suffered and told my friends I was "feeling sick" which was always my explanation of why I was being so quiet.

I now wish that I knew how to accept myself when I was 13, and be at peace. The days when I didn't feel like socializing, I wish I had just wandered off on my own, sat on the empty stage in the dark, and not cared about what others thought. But instead, I was full of fake smiles, just trying to put on a front, and be something for everyone else, in the hope that I'd be considered "normal".

At this point in my life, again, I feel like I've reached the level of maturity and self-disposition that most 13 year olds reach. A small level of comfort. A small ability to be myself. As I board the subway with many others, many younger then me, looking so sharp in their work attire, I feel generally happy with my dirty feet, my mismatching clothes and my unbrushed hair (a little secret hair is brushed, it's just naturally a messy disaster)

Why is it always me though, who sits in fruit punch on the subway? The one who gets run over by a stroller? I suppose I know it isn't just me, we all go through these things, and now, the worse things get, the more relaxed I feel, because annoyance after annoyance, all you can do is chill out. Really.

I don't know, I guess all I'm saying, is don't put pressure on yourself. I know you don't know who you are, because none of us know who we are. We spend so much time trying to "figure it all out" when there isn't any one thing to figure out. Life is ever-changing, and we change with it every day. We are going to be a different person every day of our lives, so I guess we damn well start getting used to it. Stop thinking so much hey, and just be.

All I Gotta Say...