Thursday, February 25, 2010

Save The Trees

I know a good thing when I see it. Sometimes. But when I know, I know. Last year, a friend of mine had a "slogan t-shirt" themed party. The idea was simple: come to the party wearing a t-shirt boasting a slogan, any slogan. I have a few laying around the house, but when it comes to dressing up for a party, I really do want to do it right. I didn't want to wear a shirt that everyone had seen me wear already, so the Kensington Market search began.

Shayne and I spent an afternoon looking through all the shops for hilarious t-shirts, and we found many. From "Danger is my Middle Name" to "I'm With God" the designs ran the gamut. Nearing the end of our search, I found the one and only shirt which made me laugh out loud, but I didn't buy it. It was a large men's shirt, and I wasn't in the mood for wearing a dress...but really, it was the funniest shirt. I'll enlighten you, it said "Save the Trees. Wipe Your Ass with an Owl"

After we made it home, I couldn't stop thinking about this shirt. I was so sure that it would be the best shirt at the party, and I decided big man's shirt or not, I must have it. While I was at work the next day, I sent Shayne back to the market to get my shirt, but he was taking his sweet, loooong time. By 5:30 he still hadn't gone, and I was starting to panic. He kept telling me not to worry, that shirt was not exactly a hot commodity among all Torontonians, but I knew there would be others out shopping for this same party, and I'd be damned if I had to spend the entire evening drinking with someone who was wearing my shirt!

By 6:30, I finally recieved an email from Shayne: "The shirt is gone"!! $%&* I told you so! #$%&^% I was mad. I knew it! He apologized and told me to relax, he had picked up another shirt for me which read "Trust me, I AM hilarious" ...just not the same. I went into a scramble, trying to find a t-shirt printing shop which was open on a Friday night to make me up this same owl t-shirt which had slipped through my hands, excuse me, through Shayne's hands. I found a place, and for $20 I could have my shirt. I told Shayne I'd be home late from work, as I was having a t-shirt made, but he persuaded me to come home. His persuasion prompted me to believe that he was lying, and that he had actually bought my shirt, but he wouldn't admit anything to me, all he would say was "Come home" I was frantic on my phone, dodging subway tunnels, trying to get answers from him, with a friend busting a gut beside me over the whole thing. Fine. I'd go home, but if I had to wear a shirt proclaiming me as hilarious, I wouldn't feel very hilariously happy. Hrumpff.

I got home, and Shayne presented me with my "hilarious" shirt, but I demanded to know where my owl shirt was. It was there, on my bed, and Shayne was rolling around on the floor in a fit of giggles. "I got you!" he proclaimed, "Did you get me Shayne? Did you really?" Well now this whole thing became quite the everlasting joke between us. The shirt was entirely a hit by the way, and was voted one of the best of the evening, thank you very much. But Shayne refused to see how this idiotic shirt could possibly have appealed to anyone, other then me, and wouldn't let me forget it.

Well just let me tell you, no more than a month later, riding south on the Ossington bus, I caught a glimpse of something familiar. What did I see? A girl, on the bus, wearing what? Why a navy blue t-shirt reading "Save the Trees. Wipe Your Ass with an Owl" That's what.

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