Monday, January 25, 2010

Posing Posing Posing!

A little post dedicated to Jerry's drawings!

I met Jerry circa 2002 in the lineup for a bar called NASA, which used to be at Queen / Bathurst (long gone now). I was with Jill and her friends known as "big Tom" and "little Tom", when this big dude with crazy spiked hair came up to me and said "I like your pig tails" and the rest is history. This Jerry Thistle (who quite frankly, had hair like a thistle!) became a lifelong friend. Life as I know it now would not be my life at all if it weren't for that chance meeting. If I had not been standing in that line, at that hour, I would not have lived the life I have lived for the past 8 years. It astounds me how a tiny little thing can propel your entire existence....

When Jerry and I met up for the first time after NASA, he brought along a sketch book. He still has that sketchbook and we tease him now for it, as it was his "impress the ladies" book haha!

And still, after all these years, Jerry sketches (though in a new book) and I'm happy to be of some inspiration, and also, to be of some use in sitting fairly still, having wine with friends as he sketches away! I love how in the first picture, he even sketched in one of my own paintings!

This last picture below was Jerry's first drawing of me in 2002, during my gothic years, eyeball celtic cross necklace and all.

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

And My, Won't We Look Fabulous!

Today I'm going to head out and start shopping!
On the recommendation of a dear friend, a group of us are going to get dappered up and go dancing at a wonderful 1920's themed party held at the Spadina House Museum.

Mark your calendars for Saturday January 30th, and stay tuned for what are sure to be amazing photographs!

Monday, January 18, 2010

Moving Forward and Seeing What is in Your Hands

I feel a ramble full of mental emotion coming on, but it's difficult to let creative thoughts come out while I sit at my desk in the office, no wine to sip and no view to speak of. I remember when I first moved to my current apartment, over 2 years ago (amazing how fast time flies) I used to take such comfort in writing at my little table, with the night view at my eyes. A long dark street with bare branches intertwined with little christmas lights. Those were the last days of writing for me, the last days of emotional, tears bursting forth, insane emotions...the very emotions I wished for for so many years prior. I got my wish, and then as fast as they came, they went away.
Photo: Freeze The Sun by burcindrummer

I am the type who needs emotion. It fuels me more than any delicious food and drink. I crave the emotions of intense sadness, despair and desire so badly because they bring forth astounding creativity. They remind me that I do feel something, and I write it out like mad in a journal, on my laptop, as poetry, as prose. I play my cello until my fingers hurt and burn so badly, it's hard to even wash my face. With a head full of passion and hands full of pain, I feel full, with a purpose.

Photo: Citrushearts

But when I get this, which I beg for, when these emotions finally surface, I dread them. These emotions which bring me such passion, bring with them intense confusion, depression, upset and then I want nothing more but for them to go away. Its a constant push and pull of creative energies. But where is the balance? When I am not feeling these intense emotions, which is most of the time, my mind is as empty and blank as an unpainted wall. I have no interest in writing or music, no fire in my eyes, I become an empty shell, and I hate this so, so much. I feel so bored with myself that I wish for despair to return, just to feel something. I welcome despair into my room, pull up it's favourite chair, pour it a glass of wine and treat it like a most welcomed guest. Without despair (and all the crazy passion which comes along for the ride) I am lost. I do not know how to just be happy, and beyond that, I do not know how to just be.

Photo: When the rain comes in silence by burcindrummer

So there I am left, caught in the middle of the two extremes; floating in the abyss of blank, encircled by a constant hum of watery depression. I am too tired to feed this despair more then weak wine, so it lingers around in the doorway, not letting me out of this desperate room, but far enough away that I can go on, as normal, here and there, making dinner and picking up the milk, but my pencils and my cello are on the other side of this proverbial door, lodged in there with despair itself.

Photo: Erica Hoffman

I know I could choose to be happy, and indeed change the things which can be changed, but memory stands in the way. I do not know how to live without this most disruptive house-guest, and I fear I do not know who I am without it. So instead I dwell. Instead of making these changes and moving forward, I stay where I am and dwell in flashes and moments of who I was when I was feeling.

The time needs to come for change, when I can finally choose to leave behind all three ways of being (emotionless, emotionfull, blank) and find a healthy balance of creativity which can also come from happiness. It's in there...somewhere...

Photo: Citrushearts

Sunday, January 17, 2010

Anyone for Tea?

click on the picture for a bigger version

Yesterday, Shayne and I had a little fun with his new camera and a tea party! This shot was loads of fun to set up, and we plan on doing lots more!

Well I have been sitting at home today, feeling too ill to clean up the house (which really, really needs to be cleaned up!) I need not describe the sneaky dirty devils who have invaded every corner of every room, ick. I will clean though, just not yet.

It has been such a nice week (other then the cold n' flu). Last weekend we celebrated Shayne's birthday, all weekend long. We tried our hands at various types of cheese fondue with friends, which was truly one of the best experiments you can play around with. Melted cheeses mixed with a little white port (given graciously by Tess & Daniel) can never really go wrong. Between the Havarti, the Camembert and the goat cheese, the Camembert was definitely the winner, though the most work!

Also I slapped together a little (huge) chocolate cake filled with Bird's Custard, and was very proud at how it turned out. It was the first time I tried my hand at icing a cake since my baking classes last year, and it appears that I remembered how!

Among other things, we met up with Shayne's family for lunch and Avatar in IMAX, I ate the best stew of my life at Harbord House, took in 2 classical concerts at Heliconian Hall and celebrated the engagement of Ryan & Daniel (a party that went late late late into the night). Actually, more should be said about this little party that Judi held. We played an interesting game, which turned into hours of hilarity: pin the penis on the man. The array of paper penises were astonishing, and we ended up wearing them, taped to the front of our pants, for the rest of the evening.

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Once a Bridesmaid!

Last night, one of my best gals had a few of us over for a lovely, home cooked dinner for what we thought was just a lovely, home cooked dinner.

She surprised us with wonderful, excellent happy news! She asked us to be her bridesmaids in her upcoming summer wedding, and for the rest of the evening, we drank wine and poured over bridal magazines for decor ideas for her pretty wedding location (which happens to be an old schoolhouse)

This is such exciting news for me, as I have never been part of a wedding party before. Most of my friends are as yet un-married, and traveling the world in pursuit of adventure. It will be such an honour for me (a super fun honour!) to be there with all my girls, together, but I must wear waterproof mascara.

So now, beyond my own adventures, my summer will also hold a girls' pre-wedding trip to Boston, and a walk down an aisle in honour of my beautiful friend.

All the best and lots of love!
Pictures Courtesy of

Thursday, January 7, 2010

Winter in New York

This time last year I was in New York.
I have been absolutely dying to go back ever since.
You can re-live the memories with me here!

They spelled my name wrong, but I can forgive!

I'll let you in on a little secret: if you want to go to New York on the cheap, and avoid crowds (Time's Square in the afternoon and no crowds!) Go the weekend after New Years Eve. No one travels to New York on this weekend because they were all there the weekend before! We got an apartment style hotel near Soho for $65 per night. No joke! It's cold though, bring your Sorels!

My dream house on my dream street and I'm sure my dream enchanted forest bed is in here! Upper West Side, I could see Central Park from where I was standing.

Sigh Sigh Sigh

This year, I am going to see Central Park in the Spring...if I can wait that long!

Kinda miss my long curly hair...

Shayne ever so dainty...

...and sometimes not so dainty!

Most star-struck I've ever been: the Christmas tree at Rockefeller Centre

Sweetie Pie. Best Restaurant Ever. And Barbara Walters was sitting at the table beside us as we ate our "gravy selection" for dinner!

The $5 Anthropologie glasses made the rounds...I had to buy them, though neither of us has worn them since.

I will be back soon!!!

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Where Was I?

For the week following Christmas, Shayne and I flew to California to spend some time with his Vancouver family. It was my first time meeting Shayne's mom, and we had a lovely time. The suburbs of LA are so spread out, you need a car to get around, which we had, but it makes for a lot of car time! It was a good old fashioned family car trip, with Shayne's mom and step-dad up front, while Shayne, Shaugnessy and I squished in the back.

Getting to California in the first place was the hard part. Traveling during the holiday season, and the day after an attempted (supposed) terrorist attack wasn't fun. We waited in a mass of confused people for 4 hours at Pearson, none of the airport staff knew what to do. All planes were delayed by hours as we were all shuffled from one end of the place to the other, and back again. They spent eons on each passenger, going through all bags, searching and patting down. Of course we missed our connection in Chicago because of it, but were lucky enough to fly stand-by on the next available flight to LAX. Surprisingly, our luggage had ended up on the same flight we did, which was a big bonus.

Once settled in our beautiful rented apartment with Jennifer, Steve & Shaugnessy, we hit the town and didn't stop until the very end. Beverly Hills, Hollywood, Santa Monica, Venice Beach, Burbank, Westwood & Downtown LA.

Posing in the Roosevelt Hotel

Pushing my way in front of the camera as Shayne tried to photograph the flowers

Santa Monica was gorgeous and warm

We stopped for lunch in Burbank to meet up with a long lost cousin of Jennifer's. They had just recently found each other on the internet, and this was their first meeting. Patty and Oscar were lovely hosts, and made us feel very welcome in their home.

Dinner at the Cheesecake Factory in The Grove with Steve & Jennifer's wonderful friends Bill & Dianne. I was so shocked at dinner to see it snowing outside! Alas it wasn't really snow, but rather soap bubbles spraying out from above the buildings...which explained why the ground was so slippery when we got there!

Dianne taking shots of Shaugnessy, her latest muse for her wonderful paintings!

My dream bed, from Anthropologie of course. I looked it up on line later... $5000, almost worth it! It's an enchanted forest bed!

Poolside drinks at the Standard Hotel. I'm surprised we didn't see any celebrities here!

Then onto the Bar Marmont (beside the chateau) for more drinks. Again, no celebrities, but lots and lots of young LA crowd.

To top it all off, an amazing New Year's Eve dinner at the most beautiful Campanile restaurant, which used to be a film studio belonging to Charlie Chaplin!

"I've made my way through half of the champagne pyramid...why won't anyone ask me to dance?"

Have a wonderful 2010!