Saturday, December 6, 2008

office christmas parties

there are always a bunch of them at this time of year. this = anxiety for me. this goes along with my last post about my foot in mouth disease. i can't help it, its rampant. parties with work colleagues are so stressful for me because i'm shy, awkward, clumsy, a drinker and have uncontrollable verbal overflow. i ramble to cover up my shyness and anxiety, but the issue with this particular type of talking is the lack of thought that goes into it. incessant talking+no thinking = bad. i always remind myself before going out, to think before i speak. a 30 second pause would be less awkward then an idiotic, blathering answer surely.

"cristy, this is ___"...pause...pause....stare....silence....look at floor....look at person...take a drink...look distracted...smile...sigh..."oh its really nice to finally meet you!"

or situation B:
"cristy, this is ___"
"oh yeah i've heard so much about you!! you're the one who cried at your desk!"
"uh, cristy, that was one of those things you weren't supposed to pass on, you know, one of those 'just between us' stories"
uh huh...drink...conversation stopper extraordinaire..."oh look! mini gerkins!" dash. and then the subsequent avoidance by, and of, these people for the rest of the evening. unfortunately, situation B is the one i am master of. not that situation A would be any better...but...it would.

then there is the after-the-party reflections. 'that went well...except for... that'..so do i send email to apologize? which perpetuates the moment....or just let it go? i make myself feel better thinking 'yes, will apologize'...then think better of it.

uhg, seriously i can't go anywhere without making a complete ass of myself. oh, and even when i don't cause a scene, it can be pinned on me still (see next paragraph)

at the same party, i go into the bedroom where all the coats are, to send a text to boyfriend, and get sweater. this coat room is right beside the bathroom, where someone has just laid down an incredible stank. so, when i innocently leave the coat room, buttoning up my sweater, and pass a colleague in the hallway who is on her way to the bathroom...well, you know what she thought.

happy holiday partying folks!

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